If you are pining over a lost love, even after your breakup is final and the relationship appears to be over, you need to come up with a concrete plan focused on how to win her heart back. Leaving things to fate simply will not do; you must make an effort if you want her back. The trick is to be subtle and to simply allow her feelings to stir up again by gently making her realize that you are still in love with her.

To do this, you will want to follow these five steps to help you focus on how to win her heart back.

1. Show your affection through non-intrusive touching, such as giving her a hug or holding her hand. You do not want her to think you are hard to reach and do want to impress her with your warm heart. At the same time, you should limit communication with your ex to give her the opportunity to miss you and to want you back.

2. Maintain casual contact with your ex. This will assist you in staying in touch, which is an important part of how to win her heart back. One way to do this is through email, but it is important not to overdo it. Do not overwhelm her with hundreds of long emails expressing your undying love or you will simply drive her farther away from you. Keep each email brief and friendly, and always casual.

3. Do not get into casual relationships with other people after you and your ex breakup. Your ex will likely not take this well and might think that you have moved on with your life. If she begins to think this, you may never be able to win her heart back.

4. If you really do want your ex-girlfriend back in your life, you have to clearly show her just how important she is to you. You must make an effort to treat her like your queen and never miss opportunities to show your love, such as always remembering birthdays and special days, and sending cards and small gifts or flowers. Make sure that she knows you will always be there for her when she needs you and always remember to do things like congratulate her on achievements. These positive behaviors are an important part of how to win her heart back.

5. Stay in contact enough to let her know what you doing and where you are to avoid her thinking you are off having a great time and enjoying life without her. Text messages are a great way to keep her in the loop and to let her know that you often think of her.

There is no one way to guarantee winning her heart back; however, these steps will help you get on the right track and increase your chances. Each of these tips was developed by T “Dub” Jackson, who came up with an action plan to get back together after a breakup and published it in his book The Magic of Making Up. His action plan has proven successful for relationships around the world and is focused on how to win her heart back.

5 Signs that Your Ex Wants You Back
1. Talking about the good times – If your ex brings up positive memories of your relationship when talking to you or emailing you, this is a good sign that she is remembering your time together fondly and might want to make more good memories with you.
2. Talking about the break-up and how things could have been different or how things would have been better – When it comes to signs that your ex wants you back, this one shows that she is still thinking about you and likely has not given up on your relationship. She might also be dropping hints about what she would need from you in order for your relationship to work, so pay attention.
3. Flirting – When you are asking, “Does my ex want me back?” and you notice that she is flirting with you like she did when you first started dating, this is a good sign that she has not put you in the just-friends category and is still interested in being with you.
4. Making positive changes or taking better care of herself – Did your ex get a new haircut, lose weight or start dressing better, and it appears that she is trying to make sure that you notice? Or is she making sure you know that she finally gave up that habit you hated or that she is working on improving something that you didn’t like? If so, that means that she still cares what you think and might be trying to get you to miss her.
5. Making an effort to see you or talk to you – We already mentioned that your ex being in contact with you is a good initial sign, but if it seems like she is making a real effort to find reasons to stop by your house, show up where she knows you will be or call you frequently for no apparent reason, this is one of the best signs that your ex wants you back. This is particularly true if she is finding ways to see you in-person as often as possible.

If you notice these signs that your ex wants you back being given off by your ex, chances are good that your efforts to get her back might be successful. It is important not to try to rush things or jump right back into the relationship. Follow her lead and move forward at her pace. This will allow you to continue to watch for positive signs without scaring her off or pushing her away.

When she suggests getting together or shows up where you are, take the opportunity to spend time with her. As you work to get her back, pay attention to her body language and what she says when you are together. This will help you stay on the right track and keep things heading in the right direction.

Want To Know More Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back Check Out….

Lots of guys get this idea that making their ex jealous or giving the impression that they are moving on is a great way to get her back. This always backfires, so don’t even think about it. Sure, you can show her that you are strong, secure and doing fine on your own, but you can do that by going out with friends, sticking to your regular schedule and continuing on with your life and activities. You don’t need to use some other poor girl in a misguided scheme that will just end up hurting everyone involved.

If you are at the point of wondering how do you know if your ex wants you back and are serious about getting her back, the last thing you want to do is pretend that you have moved on and that the relationship didn’t mean that much to you. All you will accomplish is convincing her that she should move on too, and then it won’t even matter if the truth was that your ex wants you back.

As for how to know if your ex wants you back, there are particular signals that she will give off that will tell you if you should keep trying or simply give up. Some of these signals she will probably purposely give off, while at the same time, she might also be giving off other indications and be completely unaware that she is doing it. Knowing how to interpret these signs is your key to knowing if your ex wants you back.

Now let’s look at two of the top initial signs to look for when it comes to how to know if your ex wants you back.

Two Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
She stays in contact – Your relationship isn’t really over until one of you decides to go on with your life and date someone else. And, even then, it’s not always over. If your ex still emails, texts, calls or instant messages you, this can be a sign that she has not completely written off your relationship yet.

She wants to know what you are doing – If she is always asking what you are doing, where you are going and who you will be doing it with, this is a good sign that she is still interested in you and not ready to let you go completely.
When you are first figuring out how to know if your ex wants you back, these are two of the signs to look for. Check out Signs Your Ex Wants You Back Part 3 to learn more signals to watch out for.

Want To Know More Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back Check Out….

Recognizing the signs an ex wants you back can be difficult, particularly if you don’t know what to look for or how to interpret what you see. For example, while signs ex wants you back might include her checking in with you periodically to see how you are doing, this could also be her simply trying to string you along and getting a perverse satisfaction from knowing that you are still stuck on her. This is why it is imperative that you understand the real signs your ex wants you back before you put too much effort into trying to get her back.

Before we get into what signs an ex want you back to look for, there are a couple of things you need to consider, as well as a couple of things that you need to avoid doing.

First of all, before even beginning to look for signs ex wants you back, you need to make sure that getting back together is really what you want and is really the best thing for both of you. It is perfectly normal to miss your ex – and for her to miss you – after all, you spent time together, made memories and were important in each other’s lives. So the first thing you have to do is figure out if you are just going through the normal grieving process and missing having your ex around, or if you truly want her back in your life long term.

Before you concern yourself with the signs your ex wants you back, you also need to make sure that you are missing her and not just the idea of her. Simply missing being in a relationship and having someone to share your life with is not reason enough to try to get your ex back. It’s also not a good idea to try to get her back if it is some idealized version of her that you miss, rather than the real, imperfect, unique woman that she is. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so don’t go into this thinking that she will be a changed woman and will now fit the ideal picture of her you have in your head.

Once you have determined that you really do want your ex back and are ready to study the signs an ex wants you back, there is one more thing to cover before we get down to business. We will discuss this huge no-no and start laying out what to look for when watching for signs ex wants you back in Signs Your Ex Wants You Back Part 2

Want To Know More Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back Check Out….

Confidence is sexy, attractive and appealing. It makes people feel comfortable around you and allows you to walk through the world in a way that commands respect.

Just as confidence is important for you to have, it is also one of the most important things to look for in a woman.

There’s nothing sexy or attractive about a woman who constantly second guesses herself, shies away from social interactions or doesn’t see herself as competent. And when a woman is sheepish and completely lacks any speck of assertiveness, it’s hard to get to know who she really is or to guess what she might be like once the two of you have moved past those initial public meetings and have some private time.

A woman who has confidence in herself and sees herself as competent, attractive and having something to offer will carry herself accordingly. These are the women men are usually attracted to and the ones that you should be looking for when choosing a potential mate.

What to Look for in a Woman #2: Femininity
Feminine women are naturally attracted to masculine men, and masculine men are naturally attracted to feminine women. Because of this, it just makes sense that femininity would be among the most important things on any list of what to look for in a woman – just like masculinity is among the most important characteristics for you to have as a man.

Naturally, this feminine quality includes her physical appearance, since we men do love a woman who looks like a woman and exudes female beauty and radiance.

Aside from physical appearance, you also want those other feminine traits, such as joyful, positive energy, a good heart, a nurturing nature and a supportive spirit. Anything that gives the impression that she will make a good mother is also a part of this. Even if you don’t necessarily want children, a woman who displays the characteristics of someone who would be a good mother will be naturally nurturing and caring, which will extend to how she treats you as her partner.

Feminine women like to look nice, take the time to take care of themselves and leave things like excessive corporate ambition and being a hard ass to the masculine guy they are in a relationship with, which is exactly what you want.

What to Look for in a Woman #3: Ability to Inspire Confidence in You
As a man, you need to exude self-confidence and security. While it’s up to you to build your confidence to prepare for dating success, don’t think for a minute that you can go through life adhering to the belief that you don’t need a supportive woman to help you feel secure and safe.

While she certainly isn’t going to be your protector – since protector is part of your job description in the relationship – you need a partner who is supportive of your goals, will stand beside you when everything goes wrong and who won’t second guess your every move. You need to be secure in the fact that she will never humiliate you in public or shoot down your dreams.

This is one of those times when statements like, “Behind every man is a good woman,” fit really well. For you to be all you can be, achieve all that you are capable of achieving and get the most out of life, you need a supportive woman at your side who inspires confidence in you and believes in you wholeheartedly.

What to Look for in a Woman #4: Character
If you have been of dating age for at least a couple of years, you have probably been in a relationship with a girl who suddenly seemed to become someone else. Maybe she switched religions, switched her story or even completely switched teams on you.

This kind of thing can really throw a guy for a loop and can leave you wondering if everything up until that point was some kind of ruse or if her character is really just so unstable that she could suddenly change.

You don’t need your world thrown into turmoil a few months – or a few years – down the line when you wake up next to a completely different person than the one you originally fell for.

Look for a woman with strong character who is honest and follows through with whatever she says she is going to do.

Ultimately, it’s a great idea to put together your own list of 10 or so characteristics that are must-haves when choosing a partner. This will end up being your go-to list when it comes to what to look for in a woman. But even after you write up your own list, you will likely find that most of what you are looking for will fall under one of these main four things to look for in women, which means this is a great place to start.

Here are the top 12 things guys tend to overlook when trying to find the right woman:

1 – Her Attitude About Her Attractiveness
We might as well just get a couple of obvious ones out the way first, which means we should first take a look at attractiveness and the attitude she has about it.

So you have found a girl that is a real hottie. The question is: How does she handle that? What she thinks of her attractiveness and how she acts about it is very likely more important to the situation than what you think of it and how you act about it.

The first thing to measure is just how tied to her physical appearance she really is. Is she one of those women who think that because she is attractive she doesn’t need to bring anything else to the table? If so, you will likely find that she is obsessed with her looks and interested in little else.

This kind of woman might look great on your arm, but you will end up seriously disappointed in nearly every possible way aside from being physically attracted to her.

You also have to remember that old adage about how for every beautiful woman in the world there is a man who is tired of putting up with her. This means that, even if you are shallow enough to think that looks might be enough, you will most likely find that even your physical attraction to her will wane over time when she has nothing else to offer.

The best women are the ones who don’t realize how beautiful they are. You want to find one of these women, and then be the one responsible for helping her recognize her true beauty. That is the best way to go for your long-term happiness.

2 – Integrity and Character
Have you ever heard the saying, “Pretty is as pretty does?” Well, it’s true. A woman can be a knockout in the looks department, but if she doesn’t have integrity and good character, then she is ultimately going to end up not being so pretty and appealing.

A lack of integrity can even be tied to her attitude about her attractiveness that I mentioned as the first thing guys overlook. When it is, you could be in serious trouble. It’s one thing for a girl to know she’s hot and focus on it way too much, but it’s quite another if she also lacks integrity and turns towards the dark side of using her looks in manipulative and self-serving ways.

For example, a beautiful woman who is accustomed to having men kowtow to her could very easily become one of those women who will throw a huge fit if she thinks she sees you barely glance at another woman, but, in the same breath, will insist that her huge group of guy friends who flirt and get frisky with her when you are standing right there is nothing and that you have no right to get upset over it.

This is a prime example of a woman who went from being shallow to some full-on double standard behavior somewhere along the line. A lack of integrity can cause this – and plenty of other things that you don’t want to deal with.

3 – Emotional and Physical Strength
When I say you want a woman with physical strength, I don’t mean that you need to hang out at gyms looking for women who can bench 300 pounds. But I do mean that you should seek out a woman who has the physical strength and energy to at least share household duties or head out for the occasional outdoor adventure. Being strong and physically fit isn’t all about looks either; it also has to do with overall well-being and health, and you do want a healthy partner.

When it comes to emotional strength, I know that I have said a lot about you – as the man – being a leader who can show that you can provide protection and handle any situation. However, this doesn’t mean that you should feel like a babysitter every time you are around the woman you are dating. You also have to think long term here: Life is full of challenges, so you need a life partner who can stand beside you and handle things with you, rather than just making everything worse by falling apart every time something comes up.

4 – Complaining, Contention and Combativeness
All of us guys should be seeking out strong women, but strength should not be confused with contention and combativeness. You want the kind of strength that allows her to be upfront with you about issues that come up, to always mean what she says and say what she means, and to stand her ground when necessary – for example, if the two of you were to have children.

Unfortunately, too many guys get all confused when it comes to strength in women, which is partially a result of what we see on television and in movies. Even ads that play during the big game show women criticizing men and their ideas at every opportunity. This is, of course, portrayed as normal or even cute, but it’s no way to be in a relationship.

Contention – or downright combativeness – will get you nowhere but miserable. Partners need to support each other in their hopes and dreams, as well as the day-to-day stuff that comes with life. If you choose a woman who is constantly complaining or takes every chance to shoot down your ideas and criticize you, you are going to be miserable. No one is happy in a relationship like that – the man will always feel like he can do nothing right and the woman will be continuously frustrated by everything the guy does.

5 – Lifestyle Cohesion
While you will never hear me say that you need to start dressing in matching outfits and should have the exact same interests, there is something to be said for having cohesive lifestyles. Things like constant schedule conflicts, vastly different religious beliefs and hugely different lifestyles can be tough to overcome when establishing or maintaining a relationship.

When one partner works nights and the other works days, resulting in barely seeing each other, this can have a detrimental effect on the relationship, particularly over time. It can also be devastating to your relationship if you are a devout Mormon and she pays her rent by hitting the stage at the local gentleman’s club. While you both might think you can work through something like that, lifestyles that are that different can cause problems faster than you might think – no matter how devoted you are to ignoring your differences and making it work.

I have been witness to relationships where guys have tried way too hard to make it work with a hot girl who simply wasn’t a good match for them.

It just isn’t going to work. The things you love and value need to be complemented by the things she loves and values. It’s as simple as that. And if your lifestyles are vastly different, it is going to be hard to get – and keep – things going.

Avid travelers don’t do well with partners who won’t set foot on a plane or boat; fourth-generation farmers don’t do well with partners who refuse to get dirty; and teetotalers usually don’t mesh well with hardcore partiers.

Some differences are great for growth and keeping things interesting, but if your lifestyles are truly night and day, some serious consideration is in order.

6 – Common Sense and Judgment
We all went through that phase in high school (or college) when we were crushing hard on air-headed cheerleader types who were just too cute with how gullible they were, as well as their constant confusion and lack of common sense. They were usually pretty hot and always pretty fun, but most of us grew out of that phase about the time we realized that sometimes having an actual, intelligent conversation with a woman is a plus.

While it might have been cute the first three or four times one of those girls did something less than brilliant, it eventually starts getting old, and no guy wants to spend his life constantly making sure his partner isn’t blow drying her hair in the bathtub or washing her red sweaters with his white undershirts.

Common sense is required to get through each day making good judgment calls and handling all of the little situations that come up in normal life; however, that doesn’t mean that everyone has it.

Pay attention to whether or not she seems to be able to make good decisions and handle life’s little issues. If she can’t, it might seem cute in the beginning, but it will end up driving you crazy down the line.

7 – Social Skills
Humans are social animals as a whole. This means that we enjoy being around other people, which is also how we continue to learn and grow throughout our lives. The problem is that you will start to notice your social circle getting smaller and smaller the longer you are in a relationship with a woman.

Even if you fight it, it always seems to end up that you will end up drifting away from your friends who are single. This always happens once you are part of a couple, and it creates the situation where you and your partner now need to work on establishing friendships with other couples.

It’s one thing to partake in some male bonding and find some attached guys interested in making friends with other couples, but if the female partners don’t get along, that couple friendship you were hoping for is not going to happen. In fact, if your girl isn’t that great at making friends, you are going to have a really difficult time finding couples who want to hang out with you.

Conversely, if your girl is a bit of a social butterfly, you can be sure that you will establish lasting friendships with other couples that will end up being really great.

Women simply are the better brokers when it comes to establishing friendships with other couples. So you might as well accept that and look for a woman who is good at making friends.

8 – Knowing Her Way Around a Kitchen
No, I’m not still stuck in the 1950s. First of all, I wasn’t even alive in the 50s. Secondly, I recommend that you set aside your notions of political correctness and just give this a listen.

Having a woman who can cook shouldn’t be your number one goal when finding the right girl for you, but it’s certainly a trait that helps in the long run. This is particularly true if you are not much of a cook and might not know that there really is something called a Dutch oven that has nothing to do with grossing out your partner in bed.

If you’ve been hitting up fast food joints every night on your way home from work for as long as you can remember, you are really going to love being with a woman who knows how to cook – even more so if she actually likes doing it.

If she’s the type who also likes hosting dinner parties for all of those couples she has acquired as your new friends, you might just start thinking that life can’t get any better.

9 – Cleanliness and Neatness
Again, I’m not harkening back to the Dark Ages with this one either. I am not saying that a woman should be solely responsible for picking up after you, cleaning the house, cooking every meal and making sure you have clean clothes to wear to work.

But you also probably don’t want it to be the other way around either; unless, you are a complete neat freak and want to be in charge of all of that stuff so that you can be sure it is done perfectly. Of course, if that’s the case, then that brings up other issues. For example, if you are a neat freak and she is a total slob, that is going to cause both of you quite a bit of misery. The same holds true if it’s the other way around and you are a slob, and she is the neat freak.

In a perfect world, both of you will be fairly neat and clean without falling to far towards either extreme.

10 – The Little Things
The woman you are with might be gorgeous, smart and good to you, but if she has one or more annoying bad habits that drive you crazy, this could be a problem.

Most of us will overlook odd little quirks or annoying habits in the beginning of the relationship because the woman is hot or because we think we are being shallow or too picky if can’t get past it. We are even more likely to overlook these little things if we think that she meets all of our major needs. But that is not necessarily a good thing, since those little things can really wear on you – and the relationship – over time.

This is one that you will have to determine on a case-by-case basis. You will have to determine whether or not she can easily change those habits if you say something to her, or if it is just part of who she is. And, if it is part of who she is, you are going to have to decide whether or not you can live with it long term.

11 – Consistent Behavior and Reliability
This one is pretty simple and a bit complicated at the same time. First off, the simple part is just about things like showing up on time and being someone reliable whom you can count on.

The more complicated part is about observing her behavior and how she interacts with people to see just how consistent she is. For example, can you always be sure that you are going to see the same woman every time you go out, or does she seem to have some kind of Sybil thing going on? If you never know which version of your girl is going to show up on your date, that just might be a deal breaker right there.

Another important thing to note is any differences between how she treats you and how she treats everyone else. This is how you are going to figure out just how much of what you think is her personality is actually an act that is meant to draw you in.

Check out how she treats bartenders, restaurant servers, colleagues and children. If she has kids, make sure you really pay attention to her interactions with them. Does she interact with other people in a way that is respectful and appropriate? Or does she boss around or walk all over anyone she perceives as beneath her?

This is going to tell you how she is going to act towards you once the newness wears off and she is no longer trying to impress you.

12 – Health and Wellness
Mental and physical health is important. They just are. But this actually goes beyond the surface of someone having relatively good physical health and not being sick or tired constantly.

Obviously mental health is a big one. It is a huge one, really. There are some guys out there who really enjoy a girl who has a little crazy about her, but if you are looking for a long-term mate, someone who is rational, reasonable and levelheaded is going to be a far better bet.

Additionally, you might want to at least give a moment’s thought to how her health and wellness could affect yours. For example, if you are used to being really active, and she prefers to stay indoors and watch movies all day, your physical fitness is likely going to suffer at least somewhat. Or if she has the metabolism of a hummingbird and can eat anything she wants without gaining an ounce, and you don’t enjoy that same attribute, you could be looking at some weight gain once you are living under the same roof and sharing nearly every meal.

I know it can be hard to look past the hotness and really make a good assessment of whether or not the girl you are just starting to date is the right one for you. But you have to believe me when I tell you that it’s worth it. Weeding out those who are not high quality women and potential mates will save you time and get you that much closer to finding the partner you want and deserve.

Read this list as many times as you need to in order to commit it to memory. While some of these things might not be among your top priorities when searching for a potential partner, you are going to thank me for pointing them out later on down the line when you realize just how important some of the less obvious things can be.

To help you better understand what women are thinking and how your participation sways the outcome of that first contact, here are five things you must know before approaching a woman.

Things You Must Know About Approaching Women #1
The first thing you should know is that women usually have absolutely no idea that guys have to deal with approach anxiety. While this may seem impossible, it’s true. Most women have no idea that most men generally have a fear of approaching them.

When confronted with this information, most women just can’t see how they would seem intimidating or scary with their French manicures, high heels and short dresses. In fact, they are so oblivious to the fear that many guys have about approaching women that they think the reason guys don’t approach them is that the guys simply aren’t attracted to them.

Now you and I know that it isn’t the case, but this is what is going through the minds of women while guys are standing across the room trying to get up the guts to just introduce themselves.

Things You Must Know About Approaching Women #2
The second thing you need to know about approaching women is that they really do want to be approached and are pretty much going stir-crazy because quality guys won’t approach them.

I’m not sure when this happened, but somewhere along the way us guys started copping this us-against-them attitude when it comes to members of the fairer sex. Visit any forum about dating, seduction or learning how to attract women and you will see how we have somehow placed them in the category of enemies that we must target with elaborate schemes devised to incorporate a variety of tactics and tricks.

Part of our reason for viewing women as a kind of alien species that is impossible to figure out is, of course, to provide a convenient excuse when we get rejected. But, even though we might pretend women are different beings from Venus or some other planet that are put on Earth just to make our lives difficult, any guy who wants to actually be successful with women has to recognize that this simply isn’t true.

Women are just regular humans like us who feel joy and pain and are looking for someone with whom to share their lives. When their dogs run away, they are sad. When they win the lottery, they are happy. They really aren’t that different from us when it comes to basic human characteristics. The biggest difference between us and them are simply those that are based on us being masculine and them being feminine.

Here is the other thing you need to keep in mind: She is just as interested in meeting a guy like you as you are in meeting a woman like her, and she can’t figure out why you aren’t approaching her. And if you are one of those guys who still seem to be thinking that women might start making the first move at some point, you really might want to read up on how much women want a man who can take the lead.

Now that we are on the topic of guys taking the lead, it’s the perfect time to bring up the third thing you should know about approaching women…

Things You Must Know About Approaching Women #3
The number three thing to know is that you are the leader that establishes and controls the tone of your interaction with women. Women respond strongly to the leadership of a guy, and the high quality women you want to consider as mates actually demand it. While women look for things like ambition as indicators of your overall leadership skills, they also look to guys to take the lead in the moment. Along with this comes the simple fact that women will lead where you follow in pretty much any situation.

This means that if you are nervous and insecure when you approach women, they are going to end up feeling insecure as well. If you are awkward and pretty much a jumble of nerves, you will find that she will respond to you in much the same manner. And we all know that making a woman feel insecure when you are around is a surefire way to get absolutely nowhere with her.

Remember that a little bit of nervous energy is okay and can actually work in your favor when it feels like that adrenaline rush that comes when you meet someone you are attracted to. But if you come across as seriously nervous or insecure, women are going to think that is the real you and not just approach anxiety, since women are oblivious to that whole approach anxiety thing. This will set her up to think that you are socially awkward and lack confidence.

Alternatively, if you are socially confident and enter every situation expecting to be treated and received well by women that you meet, then you will find that women will be more comfortable around you and will treat you as you expect – and deserve – to be treated.

Things You Must Know About Approaching Women #4
While some guys expect to get a negative reaction from attractive women when they approach them, and some even believe that is the reaction you are going for, you need to know that a woman usually is only rude to men who are rude to her first.

Amazingly, there are some so-called pickup artists who are actually teaching guys that they are doing something wrong if women don’t initially respond with disdain or shock when you approach them. Now I will admit this used to happen to me – like in high school, but never since then. I have approached a lot of women in my adult life, and it has pretty much always gone well with no need for shock or disdain to get things going.

This takes us back to the fact that women are human just like us, and they respond to the leadership we present in the situation. So if we are rude to them, we can be pretty sure that things are not going to go in the direction we were hoping. This is particularly true of the quality women that you want to approach. If you approach a quality woman in a rude, obnoxious, overbearing, arrogant or insulting manner, you can expect her to respond to you in a similar way.

Things You Must Know About Approaching Women #5
After reading this far, you can probably guess what is coming next. But, just in case, I will go ahead and lay it out for you.

Here’s the deal: There is a good reason why lots of women think most guys are idiots or jerks. The reason is because the idiots and jerks are the only ones who are sacking up and approaching women, while the rest of us are going out of our way not to bother them. Sure, we are afraid of rejection and all of that, but we usually don’t put much effort into overcoming that fear because we also have this thing about being polite and not wanting to startle women by being some stranger approaching them.

We’ve sold ourselves on the story that we are respecting their space and privacy by leaving them alone, but this results in us quality guys remaining pretty much hidden, while the guys with no sense of social constraint or appropriate behavior are off approaching women and giving all of us a bad name. Their lack of social skills and disregard for what others might think of them allow these guys to approach women freely without even a thought about respecting them. Some of these guys even thrive on women reacting to them negatively.

Because these are the guys out there approaching women all the time, these are the guys women meet most often. This, of course, leads most women to start thinking this is how most guys are. Fortunately, there are a lot of women out there who still believe there are better guys out there, and these women are just waiting for us to make ourselves known.

Ultimately, the simple fact is that women meet very few men who are able to achieve that balance between being bold enough to make the first move, while also being man enough to ensure they will feel secure around them. This is the kind of guy they want to meet and the kind of guy you need to be.

It’s the fourth stage where things start getting a bit trickier.

This next stage is where you need to take that mutual attraction a step further, which is where the difficulty sets in.

It is during this stage, which is when you first start dating, that it is basically impossible to continue to cover up your insecurities and maintain that façade you might have put up in the beginning. The real you is bound to start showing through at this point, leading to saying stupid things, making mistakes and not always looking your best at every moment.

It’s at this point where things can change quickly and a lot of people end up getting hurt feelings. Maybe the person you just started dating suddenly stops calling or texting. Maybe you ask them on a second date and get rejected. Or maybe, after you sleep together once, they seem to become a completely different person. This stuff happens, and it’s during this stage of a budding relationship that true personalities will be revealed.

Becoming more sexually confident at this stage of the game happens by positioning yourself in the role of the chooser. This means that you don’t sit around worrying about whether or not she likes you; you spend your time asking yourself if you like what is going on and if this relationship is working for you. If it isn’t, you end it.

Sure, this might sound a bit harsh to some, but if you are among the enlightened dating crowd that knows there is more than one potentially great mate out there for you, then you know there is no reason to waste your time building a relationship that you really don’t find exciting or fulfilling. There is no need to settle for less out of fear that something better might never come along.

Guys who fail in the initial stages of dating do so because they lack an understanding of how dating works and its purpose. You aren’t automatically committed for life after your first date. The whole purpose of dating is to get to know the other person better and determine how compatible the two of you are as a couple. It’s all about feeling each other out as a potential mate, enjoying each other’s company and seeing if the relationship ends up going anywhere.

Also keep in mind that if a woman goes on one date with you, and then stops returning your calls or turns down an invitation for a second date, then that gives you valuable information. That lets you know that the two of you are not compatible as a couple. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t attractive or aren’t desirable. All this means is that the two of you weren’t a good fit for whatever reason. If they happen to recognize that first, so be it, it still keeps you from wasting time and allows you both to move on and continue your search.

This is just one more reason that it is important for you to remember that your goal during this dating stage is not to try to make the woman like you. Your goal is to just be yourself and determine if the two of you are compatible. And you can determine whether or not she is compatible with you by attending to your feelings when you are around her. If it feels like you are hanging out with your best friend, you enjoy her company, you feel supported even when you aren’t at your best and she cares about what matters to you, then you are on the right track.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself when determining your compatibility with a particular woman:

1. Do you feel pressured to be someone else or act differently when she is around?
2. Do you feel at ease around her and enjoy her company?
3. Do you feel good about yourself when you are with her?
4. Do you feel as good (or better) about yourself when she is not around?

If she asks you to change who you are, or if you feel the need to change to try to get her to like you more, than she isn’t the one for you. A great couple is not made up of identical twins that are exactly alike. You should be able to disagree with each other without liking each other any less. You should also be able to pursue and maintain separate activities and interests right along with the ones that you pursue together.

Always keep in mind that the best indication that you might be a compatible couple is simply whether or not the two of you continue to spend time together and to enjoy that time.

Asking someone out on a date doesn’t need to be some big, dramatic event. The best way to approach it is to already have an activity in mind and just ask her if she would like to join you. For example, don’t call her up and specifically ask, “Would you like to go out with me again?” Instead, try something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m going to see this great band downtown on Friday. Do you want to come along?”

This way, she knows that you are already going to do whatever the activity is and won’t feel pressure to accept the invitation. Once you have put the invitation out there, allow her to make the next move. There will be no waiting by the phone or repeatedly calling and texting her if you don’t hear from her right away. Also, remember that you really do need to go and do whatever it is you told her you were going to do, even if she turns down the invitation.

If she likes you and wants to spend more time with you, she will find a way to contact you, and nothing will stop her. If she’s not that into you, she will come up with excuses as to why she couldn’t quite get around to calling you back. If this happens, recognize that they really are excuses and that they mean it’s time to move on. You can’t help who you are attracted to and neither can she. So there is no reason to get upset or blame her for not liking you enough. Just move on to explore the many other options that await you.

2. Originality – Women like excitement and they are sick and tired of essentially the same guy picking up on them every night. They do not like followers and are far less likely to even notice a guy who does not really stand out from the crowd. To attract women to you, you need to be original and set yourself apart from other guys. Show that you have something unique to offer and women will be interested.

3. Experience – There is something to be said for maturity, and women do love a man with experience. This goes for both in and out of the bedroom. Having extensive life experience will give you more to talk about, make you more knowledgeable and definitely make you more interesting. Knowing your way around a woman’s body doesn’t hurt either.

4. Unavailability – Sure, this is similar to playing hard to get, but you want to make sure you do not play too hard to get. Unavailability is more about being just a bit unavailable and cashing in on the fact that people always want most the thing they think is just slightly out of their reach. Another benefit to being a little unavailable is that it shows that you are not needy and aren’t out there searching for the first girl who will pay attention to you.

5. Passion – Having a passion for life and being present in the moment as you fully enjoy each day is an attractive quality that women appreciate. If you embrace the concept that life is about the journey, not the destination, women will be drawn to you. Live your life with passion and your luck with the ladies is sure to improve.

6. Danger – While there is no reason to run around risking your life every chance you get, women do like guys who are just a bit dangerous. Danger is exciting and energizing – not to mention, hot – which is why so many women love bad boys. Work on adding an element of danger to your personality and you will significantly improve your attractiveness to those women who simply cannot pass up a bad boy.

7. Generosity – Generosity is about so much more than giving gifts. In fact, while being generous is a good thing, you should keep an eye on your gift giving to make sure that it isn’t going overboard and to make sure you aren’t giving things to people in an effort to make them like you. That type of generosity, which isn’t true generosity anyways, is completely unattractive. The attractive kind of generosity is the kind that makes you look confident, in charge and wealthy. This kind of generosity includes buying a round of drinks when out with friends or making donations to charitable organizations.

Buying drinks for your group is obvious and shows your generosity immediately. Donating to charity can score you major points with women, but it can be a bit more difficult to work into a conversation without looking like you are showing off. One option is to slip it in when talking about issues you are passionate about, which would cover this trait, as well as #5 and #1.

8. Sensuality – Sensual people are in tune with their senses and come across as warm and engaging. The opposite would be those guys and girls who seem cold and frigid, which is not attractive and not at all welcoming. When you come across as warm and engaging and appear to be in tune with your own body and senses, women will feel more at ease around you and will determine that you are more likely to be in tune with her body and senses as well, which is why sensual guys generally have a lot more sex.

9. Being tactile – Appropriate touch is a great way to take things up a notch, and being tactile is a trait that most women find attractive in men. Lightly touching her arm while you talk, brushing her hair back with your hand as you go to whisper something in her ear or placing your hand on the small of her back to guide her through a crowd are all perfect examples of the types of touch that are attractive to most women. Touching her hair can be particularly effective, as this simple gesture is both arousing and relaxing. This is best undertaken if she is wearing her hair down and you will not mess up how she has it styled if you touch it. Otherwise, that one could backfire.

10. Energy – This one is both about exuding good energy in a karmic sense and about being energetic overall. Women want men who are not lazy and who come across as having the energy to go to work every day, go out and have fun whenever possible and take care of business in the bedroom when the day is done. This is why women are attracted to energetic men. They want to know that you have the energy to take care of them and to take them out on the town or on adventures.

11. Charisma – People are naturally drawn to charismatic guys. When you can draw a crowd, hold your friends’ attention and even control the tone of the room with your words and gestures, you will know that you have the whole charisma thing down. Charismatic guys are interesting and popular, which makes them more attractive to women.

12. Level-headedness – Guys who can keep their cool and are calm and in control, regardless of what is going on around them, are extremely attractive to women. This means not freaking out when something goes wrong, making good decisions in times of emergency or crisis, and not necessarily taking the bait when some other guy is being an ass and trying to pick a fight. Guys who are not easily excitable are appealing to women, particularly because this shows that she can trust the guy to make good decisions, take control of a situation, and protect and take care of her when the need arises.

13. Loyalty – Women do not want to get hurt, and chances are that the woman you are attracted to has been many times in the past. There are a lot of jerks and creeps out there, which has taught women to hone their ability to pick up on key traits, such as this one. If you do not come across as loyal, you will not have a chance to even get your foot in the door. Loyalty is incredibly important and will get you far with women.

14. Having a romantic side – Being the type of masculine, independent guy that women love does not mean you should not be romantic. Women really appreciate and enjoy romance, and they hardly ever really get to experience it with most guys they meet. Small romantic gestures are very attractive to women in the time after you first meet; once you are in a relationship, you will need to step it up a bit to keep things fresh and exciting.

15. Directness – Being direct is an attractive trait that shows you are bold, confident and not afraid of rejection. This powerful trait shows that you don’t have time to beat around the bush because you are important and busy. It also demonstrates that what you have to say matters. Direct guys say what they mean and mean what they say – and women love it.

16. Openness – You are not trying to prove anything to anyone and shouldn’t really have anything to hide; therefore, you need to cut the crap and be open about yourself and your life. Women love to talk and they love to learn about new people and what makes them tick. If you share information about yourself, she will do the same. This will speed up getting to know each other, creating intimacy and moving to the next level.

17. The ability to tease and be teased – Light teasing is a great way to flirt and will keep her interested and on her toes. If you are quick-witted and can respond to her teasing in a fun, humorous manner it is even better.

18. Planning Capacity – Whether it is planning outings for you and your friends or planning really cool dates with her, women are attracted to guys who have the capacity to plan events. Being a planner shows that you are in charge and energetic. It also shows that you are a leader in your group of friends and that you are trusted by those friends. Planners are seen as popular and having high social status, which is also attractive to women.

19. Persistence – Women are attracted to men who have goals and go after them in a persistent manner. Persistence in achieving your goals shows that you have will power and self-confidence.

20. Respect – This includes respect for yourself, respect for others, respect for her and being respected by your friends, colleagues and acquaintances. Guys who are respected and respectful are extremely attractive to women. It lets her know you are a guy she can take home to meet her parents and that you will always be respectful of her. When you are respected by others, it also is an indicator of your social standing and power.

21. Compassion – Caring, compassionate men make good partners and good fathers. This is precisely why compassionate men are very, very attractive to women.

22. Having nice things – While this is more of a characteristic than a trait, having well-maintained, nice possessions is rather attractive. Having nice things indicates that you have power and money, which are two things that are attractive to women. It does not necessarily mean that she is materialistic if she is turned on by your nice car, house or boat; it often simply means that she is attracted to the sense of financial security and your success, which shows that you are motivated and persistent. Men who have nice things generally work hard. Men who work hard are good providers. Women are attracted to men who are good providers. It’s really pretty simple.

23. Having money – Money is attractive – and not just to gold diggers. Money means comfort and security, which are two very important things to women. Of course, wealth can also mean the promise of excitement and is attractive simply for that reason as well. There are women who will appreciate the security your money can provide and who will find your ability to take care of them attractive, right along with everything else they find attractive about you. There are also women who will only want you for your money. Know the difference and focus your attention on the former.

24. Being busy – When a woman knows that a man is busy, she sees him as independent and important. Being busy is also a great indication that you actually have a life and enjoy living it. If you are busy with work, you will look motivated and driven. If you are busy with friends, you will look popular and in demand. If you are busy fixing something at your mother’s house, you will look family-oriented and handy. All of these things are attractive to women.

25. Creativity – Being creative might mean painting, working with clay or playing an instrument, or it might simply mean having that creative spark that means there is never a dull moment when hanging out with you. Women crave excitement and hate to be bored, so if you can show her a good time with some creative date planning, that can work just as well as her watching you intensely work on your next masterpiece or write a new song.

2. Confidence – A confident attitude shows that you can be trusted and are in charge of your life. It also allows you to come across as relaxed, which shows just how confident you are and is very attractive to women. Being confident in who are also shows that you like who you are, which will draw others to you and make them like you as well.

3. Posture – Your posture is the key component that women will use to immediately determine whether or not they find you attractive, whether or not you are confident and self-assured, and whether or not you might be a healthy potential mate – and this judgment takes place as soon as they see you across the room for the first time. The way you move also says a lot about you, so make sure your gestures are relaxed and confident as well. Stand tall, walk with purpose, lean back when sitting and show your confidence whenever women are around.

4. Being a manly man – Women love masculine men who take part in manly activities. Guys who are not afraid to get dirty, hit the gym regularly and play sports are highly attractive to women. Women also love a deep, masculine voice, and you should not be afraid to smell like a man. While going overboard and showing up at the club drenched in sweat with no deodorant is not a good idea, a bit of sweat and natural male smell is attractive to women on a basic level.

5. Independence – No one likes having some needy guy around who cannot take care of himself. Being independent and self-sufficient shows a woman that you can take of yourself and her.

6. Bravery and Composure – Keeping your cool in tough situations and showing bravery and alertness during emergencies is extremely attractive, particularly if you take charge of the situation. This will show women that you are capable and courageous, as well as able to protect them from danger.

7. Leadership and a little bit of dominance – As mentioned in #6, women like a man who can take charge of a situation. Being a leader means making decisions and being the leader of the pack. Women love men who have these qualities and also like a man who can be a bit dominant. Being overly controlling and possessive is not attractive, but showing your natural dominance when the situation calls for it is very attractive.

8. Physical fitness and presence – While you do not need to look like a bodybuilder, strength and muscles are hugely attractive to women. Nice abs, a nice butt and a healthy physique shows a woman that you take care of yourself and are a good choice for a potential mate. Aside from finding muscles hot, women also feel more secure around strong men. Height helps as well and enhances that feeling of comfort and security. If you are not tall, you can’t fix that, but you can work to create those feelings of comfort and security in other ways.

9. Wit and a sense of humor – It takes intelligence to be witty, so showing your wit works double-duty: It amuses and entertains, while also letting women know you are smart. Along with wit, having a sense of humor and being funny will make people more comfortable around you and will make you more attractive to women as you make them laugh and entertain them.

10. Having a great smile – A genuine smile will get you far with women. If it is a bit mysterious, or even a bit cocky, it will also arouse curiosity and show confidence, which are both good things that will increase your attractiveness.

11. Having a nice, attractive face – Women are drawn to men with attractive faces. A good looking face will catch her eye and keep her thinking about you long after the two of you part ways for the night. Included in this are good teeth and clear, clean skin. If your teeth have issues, get them fixed. Women are going to notice your teeth, particularly when they are considering kissing you. As for your skin, if it is out of control and you just can’t get it clean and clear, do not be afraid to call in the professionals and get a facial – just don’t tell anyone. Healthy skin is vastly important, so do what you have to do to make it happen.

12. A sense of style and being well dressed – Clothing really does make the man, and a good wardrobe is a key component in attracting women. Stylish shoes, shirts that fit well and are not baggy, and clothing that is in fashion and well maintained will increase your attractiveness considerably. The reason women like men in suits is because suits have a tailored fit that shows off their physique, while also showing social status. That does not mean you should be wearing a suit to the club, but it does mean that clothes that fit are incredibly important. To up your attractiveness even more, add one or two unique accessories that will show your confidence and arouse curiosity. The right necklace or watch can even start a conversation if it is interesting enough to draw in a woman to ask you about it.

13. A sense of adventure and spontaneity – Women are intrigued by men who are not afraid to step outside of their comfort zone and test their limits. If you show a woman that you are willing to take risks and are adventurous, you will soon find that she will be more than happy to follow your lead and leave her comfort zone as well. Spontaneity goes a long with this and arouses excitement, another important piece when it comes to being attractive to women.

14. Discipline and drive – Women are very attracted to men who know what they want out of life and are actively pursuing it. Showing that you have the drive to go after your goals and exhibiting focused determination will make you incredibly attractive to women. When others see you as disciplined, they see you as having willpower, being competent and being in control of your life.

15. A care-free attitude – Women like guys who do not take life too seriously, can laugh things off and are able to just enjoy the moment and what they are experiencing.

16. Being good with animals and kids – Those commercials that you see on TV where women are fawning over men holding a baby or walking a puppy are spot on. Women love a guy who is good with children and animals, which shows that you can and will take care of any future children you might have.

17. A positive outlook on life and a sense of excitement – People with a positive outlook are fun to be around and are more attractive. This is particularly true when they also demonstrate a sense of excitement when it comes to life and living it to its fullest. This kind of energy is contagious and women love it. Guys who are excited about life usually also like to have fun, which is another quality women appreciate in a man.

18. Good grooming – No one wants to be around a slob, and women do not want to see dirt under your fingernails or flakes in your hair. Well-manicured nails and good hair show that you take care of yourself and care about how you look. Also consider getting a bit of tan, since this will make you look healthy and is indicative of higher social status.

19. Attention to detail – Being attentive to details about her lets her know that you really are paying attention and are interested in her. Notice when she does her hair differently or gets her nails done. She probably did these things to be more attractive to you and you will be more attractive to her once she knows you noticed. You should also be attentive to details in your own life, which will show her that you will also be attentive to the details in her life and in your life together.

20. Playfulness and teasing – Women like guys who are fun to be around and who pay attention to them. Being playful and partaking in some light teasing (full-on jokes at her expense are not okay) will show just how fun you are to be around and will make you more attractive and more memorable.

21. Intelligence – Intelligence can be demonstrated in a variety of ways, including good grades, a good career, an impressive degree or simply being knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics. Intelligent guys with lots of general knowledge never run out of things to talk about and can hold their own in a conversation about something they might not be as familiar with.

22. Being yourself and being genuine – Women can see right through guys who are putting on a show or putting up a façade. While it might not always be easy, you really do need to say what you mean and always mean what you say. Do not put up a false front, try to hide your flaws or try to be someone else; just be yourself and remember that you should always be working on growing and improving that self.

23. Genuine Interest and connection – Women are all about feeling connected, and that desire is at least doubled when it comes to picking out a potential mate. By showing that you are genuinely interested in her and in finding out more about her, you will be miles ahead of other guys when it comes to her feeling connected to you. Another part of this connection is being in tune with each other and really getting each other. If you can bypass her walls and defenses and speak to the real her inside, this will show that you really get her. This will immediately make you more attractive and more important to her.

24. Honesty – Right along with being genuine, being honest is crucial and can make or break a guy’s chance with a girl. Always speaking the truth is not easy, but doing so shows that honesty is important to you and that you are not concerned with what others think of you. It also lets women know that they can expect honesty from you in the future, which is a very attractive quality when choosing a partner.

25. Modesty – With all this talk about confidence, holding your own in a conversation about any topic and showing that you are driven to succeed, it can be easy to forget just how important and attractive modesty is. No one wants to hang around with a guy who brags or constantly talks about himself. Women do not like guys who sound like they know everything, have been everywhere and have experienced everything there is to experience. While women like accomplished men, they do not like show-offs. It is much better if she just happens to learn about some of the cool stuff you have done from one of your friends and it is important that she feels like there are still at least a few things for the two of you to explore and experience together.